Dr. Clover la Oink

For Pigs Only: Therapy You Can Trust!”
with Dr. Clover la Oink, Pig Headed Diplomate

If you would like to unload your problems with a talented and experienced Therapist, I’m your pig. Self-trained in the traditional “pig on sofa” relaxation techniques, you will enjoy an atmosphere of comfort during your private therapy session, allowing you the complete freedom to share your innermost, agonizing or limiting emotions usually brought on by the humans you live with. For those odd occasions when a human isn’t responsible for your woes, I’ll consult with the experts, if need be, and still bring you advice on how to get yourself back into tip top shape. No problem is too big or too small!

Tyler James’ Letter to Dr. Clover La Oink
By Carol Welcomb

Dear Dr. La Oink,

First, I need to tell you that my human mother has been spending a ton of her time fishing this summer. She says that fishing helps her “think”. I tried to tell her that having ideas is helpful to thinking, but I’m not sure she understood me. She said that I could use her column to write to you this month and explain my dilemma (I do not consider it a problem). My name is Tyler James (though my human mother tends to call me “Tyler James Dignified Pig” because she feels I needed a very big name when I was little). I was born a dwarf potbellied pig and was very small. In fact, your human mother saw me when I was only a few days old and she took video of me to send to my human mom. (Humans are very silly about their video equipment, aren’t they?)

I’ve been living in Michigan now for over three and a half years. I truly love my home and the humans here. My oldest sister, LilyPig, was born here in Michigan. As you may know already, Louise and Garbo are from the same place I was born. I’ve learned how not to be afraid of cats here (good thing, there are eleven of them!) because I can walk up to any cat and get scratched for free.

My attitude has changed somewhat toward Louise and I was hoping you could offer me some advice…

She constantly likes to chase me, or nip at my bottom. Louise is like a hall monitor in school who has allowed the job to go straight to her head. This is what I’ve done this year to “remedy” the situation. However, my human mom says that just because Louise was being naughty is no reason for me to be naughty in return.

I wait until Louise tires of being a bully and decides to sleep in the pigloo. We have a fenced-in yard that is quite large and in the yard there are four sleeping homes, just in case my human mom happens to be out when it’s raining and we need to get into our shelters. Picture it…Louise sound asleep and then I move in for my moment of glory…

I slowly and quietly walk up to the outside of the pigloo. Then I stand sideways to the opening of it (that’s normally where Louise has her head) and start gnashing my tusks together (okay, they aren’t big tusks, but they still make a lot of noise). Then I dance back and forth in front of the door and make my mohawk hairs stand straight up. I proceed to use my voice and complain to Louise very loudly about how she’s been treating me that particular day. I don’t chase her out of the pigloo, even though she chases me out of it all the time.

I just want you to tell me that you think I’m finally being a “big boy” for standing up for myself. My human mom says that since LilyPig doesn’t even think she’s a pig at all, she’s not into being dominant pig. Louise took that job opening and ran with it.

What do you think, Dr. La Oink?

Sincerely yours,

Tyler James

For Pigs Only: Therapy You Can Trust!
Dr. Clover la Oink, Pig Headed Diplomate

Dear Dr. La Oink,

My name is Courage. Susan gave me this name because she knew I needed courage for everything I do, but it hasn’t helped enough for me to find a home of my own. I was adopted once, but I was so afraid of everything, that after three months, I found myself back with Susan at Piggy Camp. Now I am almost one year old. I came from a litter of five piglets, including myself. My brothers and sisters were also afraid of people when we first arrived at Camp, but they all found good homes. With a little time and patience from their humans, all of them are doing fine now with their fears. I just can’t seem to change. I don’t like to be touched by people and I won’t even let them touch me for a belly rub. I have learned to wear a harness, but only if Susan puts it on while I am eating. If I am eating, she can touch me all over, but once I am finished, I squeal and want into my room to be left alone. I get along with the all the other pigs that are looking for homes, but sometimes the bigger ones scare me. I live in the house with some other pigs that are looking for homes and I like to cuddle up to them. I see some of them cuddling up to humans, but that’s just not for me. I want to be friendly to people and I want to find a home of my very own. Can you help me overcome my fears?

Dear Courage,

Sometimes in life we come across frightening situations that send us hauling our hams back to safety as fast as our trotters can go. This is good. But, when a pig finds himself in a constant state of fear, this is not good and I’m glad you have the courage to write to me for help.

Because you have suffered from constant fear of humans since you were a piglet, and your litter mates suffered the same fears too, it is my belief that you guys and your mom must have experienced one of the following: 1. A frightful trauma brought about by humans, 2. your mom was a “natural pig,” (people might call feral or wild) who passed her instinctual beliefs on to you piglets, hoping to help keep you safe from humans, or 3. your mom was not with you long enough, after you were born, to teach you all the important things a mom likes to teach her piglets about life. Any one of these experiences could leave a pig with lifelong fears. But, all hope is not lost with you getting over yours, Courage, so fear not!

For your special case, I conferred with an expert ~ my mom ~ about using Homeopathic remedies to help you in your quest to be fearless. We agreed this path might be the best way to approach your situation. Two remedies quickly came to mind, along with one famous Bach Flower Remedy.

Rescue Remedy is made from five different flowers. Do you know how good flowers are to eat? Well, if you get a few drops of these flowers in your drinking water every day, they will help you relax and enjoy life more thoroughly. It’s okay, too, if everyone else drinks your water also, because Rescue Remedy will never be harmful. Along with this, I highly recommend the following course of action:

Aconite 30C is a remedy made from Monkshood. It is primarily used in homeopathy for fear. If this remedy were added to your breakfast and supper, daily, for a week, you just might find the world less frightening. If you have tried Aconite already but haven’t found any relief, then you should try:

Strammonium 200C or 1M, commonly known as Thorn Apple. It’s a remedy often used with feral cats, to help alleviate their fears induced by human contact. Even though you aren’t a cat, your description of the fear you experience with humans is the same… Well, except for the fact that you aren’t shredding them to pieces if they get too close. The method of taking this remedy is one of two ways: If you use the 200C, then you could have it in one meal a day for three days. If you use the 1M, then you would have it in one meal only. (You see, the higher the potency, the less often you take the remedy.) Then, wait a week or so to see how you feel. I bet you’ll find humans less scary, and more like an opportunity for good things. Those belly rubs you mentioned are divine. I highly suggest every pig get two or three daily. It’s good sense for good mental health!

Oh look, your time is up! I leave you with something one silly human once said, “There is nothing to fear, except fear itself.” I don’t know who he was, but he makes sense, for a two-legger. I wonder if he was feral?

Please check back to let us know how things are going for you, and remember, you’ll ALWAYS be bigger than your problems, so have a snortin’ good day,

Dr. La Oink

Clover la Oink lives riverside, in Central NY, with his herd and their pet humans. He is quite famous. If you would like to submit any therapy questions for his advice, please contact him through the numbers below. Please note that private matters will be kept confidential, but all others submitted will be published in the NAPPA News.

Email Pig Therapy or Animal Wellness Consultants

315-652-4964. You may also visit Animal Wellness on the World Wide Web, just point your browser to: www.holisticanimal.com


©1999 Colleen Nicholson. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.